Sunday, July 24, 2011

My Walk with Alzheimier's

It wasn't long ago my father told me to spend time and enjoy the time with my mother as his fear was she just might not wake up one day being herself. That was probably the best warning anyone could have given anyone when it comes to this dreadful disease. It seems like it was just yesterday that he told me that, and it seems like just yesterday without notice that she did just that, she woke up not knowing or understanding many things in this life of ours.
I was there for my hubby when both his mother and father passed away with the dreadful disease cancer. There were many nights and days of crying as we watched this disease ravage their bodies, however their minds were sound until the very end.
I'm not understanding anything at all about Alzheimer's disease and maybe I am not wanting to. I tend to think I am in denial, healthy or not I'm hoping that maybe one day soon my mother will know who I am and stop asking my father who he is. My father is very patient and is doing all he can to assure her things are safe, and no different than before. But before what????
She insists she is not my mother, that she never had a child. When she first told me that she wasn't my mother I was hurt, then laughed, and now just plan and simply am angry by the whole unkind understanding she has, and it's not her fault, not at all but it's a circumstance and that I just have to accept it.
Tonight I got off the phone after I called over there, totally believing that my fairy tale world is kind and safe, until I call over there and then reality sets in. Tonight she insists she is being held captive, that she wants to call her father, whom has been dead for as long as I have been alive. She was speaking loudly in the background saying she wants to go home. That the house she is in is not her home. Only for me to tell her she is home and that she has lived there for over fifty years. I can't change her belief but I can change the subject and I do try to do that.
I plan on using my blog as my place to write my thoughts, share my experiences, and just make notes of how this new walk in life with Alzheimer's is affecting my/our lives. Maybe it will be a place for those who have also been affected by it to share, I know I am not walking this path alone, I know many others have had much worse affect their lives, but this is my blog and my place to share.


Allison Cope said...

Super big hugs! It's not a nice disease at all. I watched my own grandmother suffer through the same thing for 5 years of her life. I just hope that your Mom has more "better" days than not.

Lisamariemlt said...

Thank you so much Allison for your kind words and hug.
It truly isn't a nice disease at all, thank you for hoping she has more nice days than not---each day is a struggle. Still think I am in denial.